Problems With Love
by Azel The Mantis
Summary: Ceĺestia, Luna and many other beings in Canterlot consume large amounts of Love Poison.


"So...uh...who's going start the discussion?" Twilight asked sheepishly from her seat around the Grand Round Table.

"...rrrrr...THIRSTY!" Sombra roared as he hammered his front hooves on the table. Who could blame him though? Spending three years floating in a swirling black void was enough to make anypony parched especially when they were suddenly summoned back to life.

"Calm down, Sombra" Celestia cautiously patted the former ruler of the Crystal Empire. It was quite the task convincing him to participate in the meeting and she, along with Luna and Twilight were sure as hell not gonna screw this chance up.

"Perhaps we should start the meeting" Discord smiled, "That purple servant of yours is taking a bit too long with the fruit punch", he told Twilight, referring to Spike.

"Spike isn't my servant!" Twilight asserted, clearly taking offense at Discord's uncourteous remark.

"Does he have any pay? Nope! Does he do everything you say? Yep. Certified servant if you ask me", the draconequus smiled, producing a document which had the words "Certified Servant" at the heading and a small clawprint on the bottom.

"Princess..." Twilight groaned as she turned to her mentor for assistance.

"Twilight is right, Discord. Spike the dragon is an assistant of Twilight Sparkle and that is all there is", Celestia told Discord, "However late may be..." she added under her breath

Spike had volunteered to prepare some drinks for the powerful beings present and following a little hint from Twilight, he had left the castle to a nearby chemist's shop to grab some Saccharin...and he hadn't returned yet.

While not as impatient as the others, Tirek was pissed off that they had kept his shackles on. It wasn't as if he was gonna steal the magic of the others. Nope, all he wanted to do was grab a little snack during the wait which he had no chance of doing with the chains around his hands.

The Queen of the Hive merely gave a sigh of boredom as she glanced at the others. She still had no idea why she was asked to reach the damned place when she had so many mouths to feed. And with each passing second, her patience waned until she was ready to blow any second.

"SILENCE!" Chrysalis hissed, fed up with having to sit for almost half an hour in the wretched castle without doing anything, "Stop wasting time talking about petty matters. You called us for a reason and unless you want another swarm on your hooves, I suggest you have a good one", she got right in Celestia's face.

"Is that threat I perceive?" Celestia growled, locking eyes with the queen of the changelings.

"Can't you all behave yourselves?" Luna facehooved herself as Twilight held Celestia back while Discord did the same to Chrysalis.

"Listen to her, you bunch of foals!" Tirek, in his weakened form that is, stated, causing all eyes to fall on him, "Let's get straight to it! We need to..." he added before he suddenly slumped on the table without warning.

Nopony said anything for a good seven seconds as they checked Tirek. The centaur hadn't move a muscle and they were all starting to wonder if he was alright until...

"HE'S DEAD! CELESTIA KILLED HIM!" Chrysalis suddenly shouted, taking everypony by surprise.

"What?" the three princesses asked in unison, backing away from the immobile body of Tirek.

"Oooo...Busted", Discord said, nudging Celestia, "Bahgawd! Never knew you'd come up with a great scheme like this. Eight out of ten if you ask me".

"Nonsense! I didn't scheme anything", Celestia retorted.

"Hah! I knew you were too hospitable!" Chrysalis yelled again, "Bringing your enemies close together in the pretense that we have some urgent matters to discuss. Eliminating all threats to your "glorious" crown in one go? Typical tyrant tactic", she added with a hint of disgust.

"Uh-oh" Twilight muttered, anticipating what was surely gonna follow.

"TYRANT!?" Celestia's Royal Canterlot Voice boomed and echoed throughout the castle, shattering some crystals in the process, "I've never been more insulted in my entire life. I'll let you know that I treat my ponies like they're my own relatives! Unlike you, I don't rule over them, I rule for them! You're nothing but a monster!"

"What!?" Chrysalis arched her eyebrow, visibly annoyed by the comment, "I don't rule over my subjects! I just feed them and if anyone's the monster here, you are! I was just merely going to give my loyal subjects a lifetime worth of sustenance at the low cost of one botched marriage and you just had to stick your gigantic SUN BUTT in our BUSINESS!", she growled, referring to the invasion during Shining Armor and Cadance's wedding.

The two rulers continued their bickering, much to the boredom of everyone else except Discord and especially Twilight who was secretly passing every insult she could come up with to Celestia. However, the two elders merely gave each other puzzled looks when so-called derogatory phrases like "You have a faulty galvanometer", "Bet you're so dumb you can't get the Mayer's Relationship right" were thrown around.

"rrrr...rarg..." Sombra muttered, munching on an apple.

"I know right" Discord snickered while he stuff popcorn into his mouth, enjoying the war of words between Celestia and Chrysalis.

"Shouldn't we be concerned about Tirek?" Luna asked, glancing at the fallen centaur.

"Rragagegg...rrrrggrr" Sombra replied. Discord nodded his approval much to Luna's surprise.

"You speak Sombra?" she asked the draconequus.

"Luna, we've known each other for a long, long time but there's still a lot you don't know about me", Discord mused.

"YOU KILLED TIREK!" Chrysalis shouted. Her face was a mere inch away from Celestia's face, close enough to feel the scalding breath of the ruler of Equestria.

"I DID NOT!" Celestia yelled back.

"If they kiss, I'll die a happy centaur..." a chuckle could be heard from the motionless body of Tirek.

Both changeling and mare quickly distanced themselves from the other, their faces reddening from the realization that their lips were embarrassingly close to each other.

"You're not dead?" Twilight asked, narrowing her eyes.

"He's a ZOMBIE!" Discord cried out, spewing out popcorn in every direction.

"What's a zombie?...I mean...gRafff...rageggg...allrggga..." Luna corrected herself as she turned to Sombra.

"I can speak normally, you know..." Sombra replied, not the least bit amused by the princess.

"I thought you were dead/she killed you" Celestia/Chrysalis told the centaur.

"I'm not dead! And I'm not young or immortal like you snobs are", Tirek sighed weakly, "I tend to fall asleep at intervals".

"What?" Twilight inquired.

"I'M OLD, YOU NUTHEAD!" Tirek yelled out of frustration.

"Oh...I...um...Spike's here!" Twilight said out loud when she noticed the dragon arrive at the room. She was genuinely glad that she managed to get out of a possibly embarrassing situation in front of her mentor.

"Sorry I took so long", Spike bowed a little before he placed a large bowl of fruit punch and some disposable cups on the round table, "Pinkie Pie insisted that I help her make her own punch using that Sufferin' thing or whatever".

"Saccharin", Twilight corrected him.

"Yeah, I gave her some", Spike replied.

"Wow, Pinkie Pie really must be trying hard to make the best fruit punch anypony has ever tasted", Twilight said in delight.

"Well, she _is _making it for everypony in Canterlot", Spike added, "I bet she's probably letting the others taste it right now".

"Bah! Who cares? I'm parched", Discord shrugged, shoving Spike out of the way before he filled a cup with the fruit punch.

"Wait...something's strange about this punch" Luna stopped Discord as he was about to drink from his cup, "Smells like...strawberries...and licorice..." she murmured after sniffing the bowl.

"It's the Saccharin. It's a sweetener", Twilight quickly explained.

"Oh well, if that's the case then let's all have a drink", Celestia calmly suggested.

The others quickly filled their respective cups with the pink liquid in an instant, mostly out of thirst, before they drank the whole bowl clean in a few seconds. Sombra needed five refills to quench his thirst while the rest simply finished on three.

"Wow...didn't know they were that thirsty", Spike commented.

"Enjoyed the punch?" Twilight asked Celestia, "I specifically told Spike to add the Saccharin to make it tastier"

"It was ...exquisite..." Celestia smiled before she turned to Chrysalis, "Almost as exquisite and radiant as you...my love..." she cooed, placing a hoof on Chrysalis' cheek who responded with a warm smile.

"Well, it wasn't a big deal. Everypony knows you have to add..." Twilight chuckled before she stopped dead in her tracks, "MY LOVE!?" she shouted in shock, turning her gaze to the disturbing sight unfolding in front of her.

Celestia and Chrysalis were once again at each other's face; although this time they seemed to enjoy it. Twilight quickly blushed and turned away with her hooves on her face when she noticed the two leaning in for a kiss. She cringed as satisfied moans and loving giggles came from the couple. She peeped out of curiosity, only to find her loyal assistant staring at her mentor and the changeling with his mouth wide open.

"Spike!" she scolded the purple dragon before she forcefully jerked him away to a corner.

"W-What's happening?" Spike stammered with a wide smile on his face, trying to sneak a peek through the lavender wings in front of him.

"Something wrong...very wrong..." Twilight said nervously, giving Spike half of her attention, the other half to the lovemaking between Celestia and Chrysalis and the loving gaze Sombra and Luna shot at each other. The only thing that was much less creepy was Tirek giving her the scariest grin she had ever seen.

"Why were Princess Celestia and that black queen kissi..." Spike tried to ask but was stop by a hoof to his mouth.

"The punch!" Twilight eyes widened, "What did you put in the punch?" she shook Spike wildly.

"Salarin...I can't remember the name", Spike scratched his head.

"Whatever it is, it isn't Saccharin", Twilight said, before stealing another glance at Celestia who was laid in a prone position on the table and below the black and luscious body of Chrysalis, "They're at each other's...oh my..." she yelped, quickly turning away, "Okay...show me the receipt..." she ordered, barely finding the sanity to speak.

"Here..." Spike handed over the receipt he was holding.

"...NaOH's Drug Store...fifteen bits...STRYCHNINE?" Twilight facehooved herself as she dropped the piece of paper, "Spike, do you have any idea what Strychnine is?" she asked.

"Uhh...nope..." Spike shrugged.

"It's poison. More specifically love poison!" Twilight replied, "You do realize we just fed love poison to the most powerful beings in the world?"

"Not just them, everypony in Canterlot", Spike told her, "Remember Pinkie?"

"Pinkie? This is bad...this is so bad..." Twilight paced around the corner, trying to tune out all the erotic sounds her mentor was making, each one making her blush more and more.

"Uh...Twilight, I don't like the look on Tirek's face" Spike tapped the alicorn when he noticed the grin on Tirek's face widening, a mixture of lust and desire written all over it.

"We need to find that old book on love poison...fast!" she said before she darted out of the room.

"You two are..um...heheh..,gonna need a bigger table", Spike nervously told Celestia and Chrysalis who gave him a knowing wink before he followed Twilight.


End file.
